I’m a sucker.
For long-time readers, this shouldn’t be much of a shock, but if you’re new around here, I’ll just go ahead and let you in on the secret: I’m a massive sucker…especially when it comes to my family. This is a story that proves that and will hopefully serve as a tale of caution for all the dads out there with a bigger backbone than I.
My wife and I always had pets growing up. I mostly had dogs with a few wild cats that hung around outside. Every year, my basement bedroom would always fill up with spiders and mice as the surrounding fields were plowed as well, but they never really hung out long enough to get attached. CINCHouse also had dogs and cats, and we saw no reason to break this tradition after getting married. We’ve always had at least one pet over the past 13 years and we tend to avoid the local SPCA like the plague because we’re not able to leave there empty-handed. Therefore, at the beginning of this tale, we already had two dogs and two cats. Throw in the two kids and I felt that we had a nice little rounded out family that didn’t need any additions…apparently, I was mistaken.
It all started with a visit to a good friend of mine. We were in the kitchen when my wife saw a tank with a turtle sitting on the counter. This led to the following conversation:
CINCHouse: “Oh, what a cute little turtle!“
My Friend (or so I thought): “If you like that turtle, please take it. It was a gift, and we really don’t want it anymore.“
CH (looking at me with puppy dog eyes): “What do you think?“
Me (a couple glasses of wine into the night): “No.“
Me: “What do you mean why? I’m not going to take another man’s pet.“
My Former Friend: “Seriously. It would be much better off with you guys.“
Me: “Is this conversation seriously happening right now?“
My Frienemy: “Yeah, why?“
Me: “I’m not taking your f*#$ing turtle.“
CH: “Come on, babe. We could give it a good home.“
Me: “Do you even know what a turtle eats? I don’t.“
CH: “We can figure it out. It can’t be that hard.“
Me: “We don’t need a damned turtle!”
My Mortal Enemy: “Just take the turtle!“
Me: “No! We are not, under any circumstances, taking that turtle! I will go to hell before I take that turtle home with me!“
So, as we were driving home, I leaned over to my wife and said, “I guess we should probably give this thing a name, huh?”
…To be continued