The Most Awkward Lunch Ever…Part 3 of 3

It’s time for the exciting conclusion to my delightful airport lunch. If you’re just tuning in, please check out the world’s drunkest human in part 1 and the marriage ending iPad in part 2. Now, it’s time for someone across the bar to start yelling at me…

With the world’s drunkest human still lurking (though barely conscious) on me left and glares on my right so intense that I might have gotten sunburned, I decided it was time say goodbye. The bartender brought me my check, and while I was signing my name, I asked her if there was a USO in the airport. She replied that there wasn’t, so I put my Jayhawks hat on started to get up.

While I was standing, I noticed a gentleman across the bar trying to catch my attention. Since I had just asked about the USO, I figured he maybe had something military related to say, so I met his eye and nodded…that was a mistake.

Here’s the conversation. Keep in mind that he is at the other end of the bar, and there are literally 10 people in between us while he’s yelling.

Random Guy (RG): “HEY! (pointing to my hat) DID YOU GO TO KU?

Me: “Yeah, I graduated back in ‘04.”

RG: “WELL, THAT MUST HAVE SUCKED FOR YOU WHEN MY WOLVERINES KICKED YOUR A** IN THE SWEET 16 LAST YEAR!

Me (possibly in shock): “Yeah, that wasn’t a fun night.”

RG: “YEAH! THAT NIGHT WAS AWESOME AND YOU GUYS SUCKED!

Me: …

RG: “OF COURSE, LATER ON THAT NIGHT, MY NEPHEW GOT A DUI. I TOLD HIM NOT TO DRIVE, BUT HE WOULDN’T LISTEN TO ME. IT COST ME $8,000 TO BAIL HIM OUT…BUT THAT NIGHT WAS AWESOME AND YOU GUYS SUCKED!

I decided that there was nothing I could really add to that, so I made my best decision of the day and simply turned and walked away.

To recap…while trying to eat a quick lunch at a restaurant bar before flying home to take care of some family business, I was enlightened about the upcoming sex life of the world’s drunkest human, watched a marriage possibly dissolve because of an iPad, and had to endure someone yelling trash talk across the bar at me while telling me about his nephew’s DUI. Any one of these would have made for an uncomfortable lunch. All three of them makes me want to only travel by bus from now on.

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