You Got Here How Exactly?

I don’t look at the Google Analytics hooked up to my site very often anymore, but there are 2 things that I will check it for every once in awhile. First, I love seeing the same people come back to the site over and over. While I don’t know names, I can see the various cities that visit. It’s always a nice kick to see people return. Thank you very much to all of you.

The second reason I check the Analytics is that I love seeing what terms and phrases people typed into a search engine that led them here. The most popular search terms are varitions of “Simple Family Definition” which leads them to my post that I wrote about that some time ago. There are other search terms that I understand, but I have no idea how they got to my site. Other times, it makes perfect sense that they were led here, but I can’t believe that someone would actually search for that. Others are just flat out weird and make no sense to me. I decided that I would take the time to compile a list of some of the most entertaining/odd. I’m actually slightly disturbed by how many of them revolve around poop, plumber’s crack, and eyebrows. I might need to alter the things I write about slightly.

Category 1: Poop

  • “2 Year Old Poops Too Much”
  • “My Amount of Poop is Too Much”
  • “How Much Poop is Too Much Poop”

These all seem like medical-type concerns, so I can understand why people would google them. Just be prepared that if you ever write a post entitled Too Much Poop that the concerns are going to lead them to your website.

Category 2: Plumber’s Crack

  • “Navy Plumber’s Crack”
  • “My Plumber’s Crack”
  • “Plumber’s Crack Cincinnati”

I understand how these led to my site since we have a tree that I’ve nicknamed “Plumber’s Crack,” and I wrote about it. What I don’t understand is why people are searching for these in the first place. Is there something special about plumber’s crack in the Navy? Is one person trying to find pictures of his own plumber’s crack? My favorite has to be the one about Cincinnati. I would love to have heard the conversation or observed the event that prompted that search.

Category 3: Eyebrows

  • “How to Take Care of Eyebrows While in the Military”
  • “Must You Have Eyebrows in the Military”
  • “I Have Brown Debris on my Eyebrows”

Once again, I understand how these led to Military Dad since I wrote about the Medieval torture device that is my wife with a pair of tweezers. I just find them funny. To the best of my recollection, there is no regulation in the military regarding eyebrows. I seriously have no idea what would cause the brown debris either.

Category 4: Yoga Pants

  • “Wife in Yoga Pants”
  • “Marine Wife in Yoga Pants”
  • “Marine Corps Wife in Yoga Pants”

I wrote about how yoga pants are quite possible the greatest invention in the history of mankind, so I understand how they got here. I just have to question the nature of the searches. I can understand looking for pictures of women in yoga pants. Why do they have to be wives though? More specifically, there are at least 2 people out there looking for pictures of Marine Corps wives in yoga pants. I’ve worked with quite a few Marines, and that sounds like a good way to get the crap kicked out of you.

Category 5: Random

  • “Boyfriend Rules from Military Dad”

I don’t know how this one got here, but I may now need to write up some rules. That sounds like a great idea.

  • “Don’t F*** with Military Dads”

Good advice.

  • “Is it Possible to Enjoy SWO”

This doesn’t say much for the stereotypes surrounding my field, but the answer is yes.

  • “Military Dad XXX”

I’m flattered, but we keep things PG around here.

  • “Dude Please Rate My Wife I’ll Rate Yours”

Wait…What?

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