I’m a Dork

So, here’s a dirty, little secret that isn’t really a secret: I’m a huge dork. I have been for a number of years, and it’s something that I have embraced as part of myself. It’s just who I am.

Now, I know what most of you are probably thinking. There’s no way this can be true. I’ve been reading your writing for months, and there’s no way that you are anything less than a studly exhibit of all that is man. Please say it ain’t so! I know, I know. It might be hard to believe, but it’s a fact.

What’s that? You still don’t believe me? Well, I didn’t want to do this, but it looks like I’ll have to break out some examples. As I do this, please keep in mind that there is no shame in it. It’s just the way things turned out. Here’s a fairly comprehensive list.

  1. I have played Dungeons & Dragons before.
  2. I have a bachelor’s degree in Medieval European History.
  3. I will rarely consider visiting a foreign country unless there are castles that I can tour.
  4. I sometimes cry when I think about the fact that Firefly was cancelled so early.
  5. One of my best friends is currently sewing his own costume for the upcoming Comic-Con here in San Diego.
  6. I can quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail word for word.
  7. I collect swords.
  8. I tend to connect with Napoleon Dynamite on a spiritual level.
  9. My wife routinely looks at me and says, “You’re a dork.”
  10. I HAVE A BACHELOR’S DEGREE IN MEDIEVAL EUROPEAN HISTORY!!!

It would probably take less time to list the things that don’t make me a dork. The only thing I can really think of is that I have never watched a single episode of Star Trek, and I’ve only watched one of the movies, mostly against my will. Other than that, it’s straight-up dorkhood for me.

If you’re reading this and really get it, here’s my advice: embrace it. There’s nothing wrong with living your life in sci-fi land. It’s pleasant here.

If you’re reading it and feel the need to berate or belittle, I just have one thing to say. You’re mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.

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