The Evolution of Man

As we get older, our perspectives tend to change. Things that were awesome when we were younger become lame, and things that were pretty tedious become awesome. This is normally a pretty gradual process, but sometimes, it can be fun to look at snapshots from different times and laugh at the differences.

Here are a few words and phrases that have evoked radically different responses from me over the years. I’ve broken them into 4 of the basic stages of every man’s life: Grade School (GS), High School (HS), Single Adult (SA), and Father (F). (There’s more than one reason that “father” can be represented by the letter “F.”) If you have any of your own, feel free to leave them in the comments or e-mail them to me. I sense that there may be many iterations of this.

Midnight

GS: “Can I please stay up until midnight?”

HS: “What do you mean, I have to be home by midnight?”

SA: “Hurry up, guys. We’ve only got 3 more hours to party!”

F: “Zzzzzzzzzzzz.”

Nap

GS: “I don’t want to take a nap.”

HS: “I’m way too old for naps.”

SA: “A nap? I just woke up.”

F: “Please, for the love of all that’s holy, leave me alone so I can take a nap!”

Rain

GS: “Can I go play outside? It’s raining!”

HS: “I’m not going outside! It’s raining!”

SA: “Hey, somebody help me move this keg inside!”

F: “Awesome! Now I can save some money on my bills because I won’t have to water the lawn!”

Air Travel

GS: “My ears hurt!”

HS: “I’m bored!”

SA: “Make it a double, and keep them coming.”

F: “I need 2 Xanex, and keep them coming.”

Riding the Bus

GS: “This is fun!”

HS: “Why can’t I have a car?”

SA: “Ride the bus? No way. I need to show off my sweet ride!”

F: “You mean I get to save money on gas and have time to read? Sign me up!”

Federal Holidays

GS: “Yay! No school!”

HS: “Yay! No school!”

SA: “Yay! No work!”

F: “What do you mean the kids don’t have school??? This sucks!”

Santa Claus

GS: “I can’t wait to see what Santa brings me!”

HS: “I’m way too old to believe in Santa.”

SA: “Did I just sleep through Christmas again?”

F: “This is the last #$&*()@#$ time that we’re going to get them Christmas presents that require assembly. Now, it’s past midnight, and the kids don’t have school tomorrow, so I won’t be able to take a nap. F#@* Santa.”

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